As I sit with eyes and pimples burning, my mind feels liberated. Nose twitching and thin lips knotting up with the effort of keeping mucus in confinement, my chubby fingers begin to shake willest hovering over a glowing Logitech gamer keyboard. The primal urge, not unlike that of a menstruating woman’s need to urinate after sipping sparingly from an almost empty cup of water, to articulate the process of my mind’s liberation in such detail that it would put a Sony BRAVIA XBR – 60LX900 – 60″ LED-backlit LCD TV – 1080p to shame, was exciting. It aroused me more than the memory of publicly shaming Barbie in-front of Ken for giving me a dirty look before dinner. No, it was not the bad milk that I drank that day during lunch nor was it the innocent sunbeam that filtered through the curtains onto the sinisterly vacant painted-on stare of Chucky’s first bride, the Lilith of the doll world. So here it is, the fruits of my efforts:

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