So this is apparently a German story that got passed around due to how amusing it is. Original German text here. Obviously a parody, this appeared around 2004 on the Internet. It was written in Austria, the exact author is unknown.
Hail to all dark souls!
Let me first introduce myself. I am Claudy666, I am 12 years old and I listen to METAL! Metal is evil music with bands like HIM, Marilyn Manson, Limp Bizkit and Korn. Singers of these bands are all pale and tattooed, which means they are all Satanists and thus really evil. I listen to this music because I myself am also very evil. This can be proved by the fact that I always buy black clothes in H&M (store that sells clothes for teenagers), because this is “gothic” and is currently very trendy.
I also bought myself a belt with spikes. It is made out of pink plastic with little silver spikes, because it looks more evil that way. My mum doesn’t like it that I look so satanic. But I don’t care what my mother thinks. Two days ago I started smoking, because singer from HIM also smokes. I think that people, who smoke, are even more evil. When old grannies see me, they always get scared, because I always put white make-up on my face and color my lips red. Sometimes I also put black eye-liner on, which looks even more evil. I dyed my hair red because my stupid mom won’t let me dye it black. I know it’s not cool to be ordered around. But my mum said that I wouldn’t get my allowance if I dyed it black and then I couldn’t buy myself other things, which would suck.
I think I’m a real Satanist. It was once written in Bravo Girl (a stupid teen magazine) that all people who dress like me are real Satanists. I hanged an inverted cross around my neck that I made out of a real cross – it was a gift in Bravo Girl magazine. I also have a ring with a skull on it that I bought once at a flea-market. During evenings I always take the dog out into the woods and there, I light the candles when it gets dark. Candles call the dead out of their graves and they begin to worship Satan. I also invented my own ritual that turns me into a real vampire.
If people ask me what I listen to, I say that I listen to Black Metal, because this sounds very cool. I believe that what I listen to is considered Black Metal.
Today I went out alone for the first time. My mum says that I can only stay out until 7 pm, but I stayed out until 9 pm. First order of business for me was to find a bar with my kind of people in it. I found one eventually. There, everyone was dressed in black and all had long hair. All of them were a lot older than me and they just looked at me weirdly. Then one guy asked me what kind of music I listen to. I said I listen to Black Metal. The guy started to laugh and then talked about his favorite bands. I think some of them were called Immortal and Venom and something like Dark Throne and a bunch of others I can’t remember. The guy was a real Satanist. He had a t-shirt with a woman on it that had a skull in her hands and there were candles around. Above it said Siebenbürgen. On the back, there were guys with painted faces. He said that this is called “corpsepaint”. I think I’ll put corpsepaint on my face tomorrow when I go to school. Teachers will be really scared. The guy said that Black Metal is not for little children, but I know that I’m not a child anymore. Then another guy came to me and asked me if I know what a poser is. I said that I know what a poser is, even though I didn’t. Then both guys laughed and asked me: “Are you a poser?” I said yes, because I think that a poser must be something evil. Then they laughed even harder and told the entire bar what I just said and the whole bar erupted with laughter. I laughed too, because I think they said a joke. Then I ordered myself a beer, because everyone else had a beer. Beer had a terrible taste – totally bitter and not so good like everyone else says. But I drank it anyway, because a Satanist can do anything. I felt very dizzy and talked strange things and everyone laughed. In the end they said that I should return, when I bite off the head of my hamster. That I will do, because I’m a real Satanist!
Greetings my dark friends!
This time I will tell you, how the story continued. As you remember, I told you in last part that I was in that evil bar, where a guy told me, to bite of hamster’s head. I went to my room when I came home. I rearranged my room two weeks ago, when I started to listen to Black Metal. I have HIM and Korn posters everywhere and also from other bands. Even Eminem poster, even though he’s not metal – he’s hip-hop or whatever you call it. But he has a chainsaw on the poster and he’s thus evil, because entire USA hates him. I put on my table house-shaped candles that were left over from Christmas. I don’t like Christmas, because it’s Christian and therefore not cool.
I cut an inverted cross out of carton and drew a pentagram on it and then put on a plastic skull – also from a flea-market. This cross now hangs on the wall, beside my bed. My mum was very angry when she saw it. She called it “blasphemy” and that our dear Lord doesn’t like to see such things. I felt a bit ashamed in the end, but I’m proud that I am evil and that my mum knows it. In this room is also a cage with a hamster inside. I thought about what the guy in the bar told me. I lit the candles in my room and took the hamster out of the cage. I think that the hamster noticed something bad will happen, because he started to kick and pooped on my hand. I wiped the poop of quickly. Then I thought that if it would be better to kill the hamster first. But I think the guy wanted the hamster to be alive, when I bite of his head. I was really nervous and my heart pounded like mad. I stuck the hamster’s head in my mouth and closed my eyes. His fur tickled me so that I almost sneezed. The moment I wanted to bite the head off, my mother entered the room. She screamed. I wanted to say that I’m just playing with Stoopsy – the name of the hamster, when, in shock, I bit his head off. Just like that. My mouth was filled with blood and it tasted horribly. The fur stung like devil and I started to scream. My mum was filled with rage. She was calling for help because I kept screaming and eventually started vomiting. I puked all over my clothes and my room. In the middle of this mess laid a dead hamster with pieces of his head. I felt terrible and I was shaking from the shock and my mum slapped me.
Then came the paramedics and asked what was going on here. Both paramedics had long hair. When they saw my room with posters, candles and an inverted cross, they started to laugh and didn’t stop. They carried me into the ambulance van and we drove to the hospital. When on the way, they asked my mother, if I’m in a cult or something. She said that I’ve been listening to Black Metal for two weeks now – I told her so myself. She also said that I am a real Satanist and that I’m proud of it. They both laughed out loud again and told my mother that this is just the work of puberty. Real Black Metal is nothing for kids like me and that I’m just a trend doll. That was very mean of them. I consider myself a real Satanist. In the hospital, the doctor said that I might suffer stomach poisoning from all the consumed blood. I was held at the hospital for three days. My mum wrote an absence apology for my teacher, where she wrote that the reason for my absence was poisoning from hamster blood. I thought that was very evil.
Hear from you soon…
And again I hail to you, my creatures of the night!
As you know, I suffered poisoning from hamster blood. But now I’m feeling better. I had a terrible argue with my mother, because she thinks, that all this satanic stuff isn’t good for me. But I told her that I don’t want to live, if I can’t be dressed in black. Then I took my green Nike backpack for school and wrote HIM on it, so that I is an inverted cross. Then I drew a pentagram with four sixes. I think that around pentagram there must be 4 sixes – it has something to with the number of the beast. And if the pentagram is pointed upwards, this means that you are a real Satanist. So it says in Bravo magazine.
Now I always wear black skirts which I cut at the bottom. I saw that in some catalogue and it is also gothic and currently very trendy. Underneath I always wear stockings that I made holes into. That way it looks much more evil. I also always wear my black high-heels shoes or my Nike skater shoes. They are brown, but still almost black. In school, everyone looks at me weirdly. Maybe it’s because I go to school everyday with corpsepaint. Maybe it’s also because they know about my hamster blood poisoning. I think they are all afraid of me and want to cover it up by laughing behind my back. To look even more evil, I bought a green dog collar with spikes on. I colored it with a black marker.
It was Saturday again. On Saturdays I can go out alone. I have my curfew at 7 pm, but that’s enough to go in that evil bar again, where everyone is evil like me. I dressed satanic, made corpsepaint, hanged an inverted cross around my neck, painted my nails black and went to town looking like that.
My mum was bitching again, but I got used to it. So I went into that bar. Everyone looked at me as I entered and laughed, because they are so friendly. Then I saw that guy again from my last visit here. He was making out with a girl with long black hair and in a weird t-shirt. She had a giant inverted cross around her neck. I tapped the guy on the shoulder. He turned around and looked at me angrily. Then he started to laugh and so did his girlfriend. I think I know her. She’s a senior at our school. I told him that I bitten off my hamsters head. They started to laugh hysterically and called me a poser. I think they like me now even more. I asked the guy if I can be in his satanic cult. He looked at me weirdly and laughed even harder and the entire bar followed him on laughter. Then he told me that he finds people like me totally hilarious and that I’m just a stupid little kid and that they don’t want me here. And his girlfriend added that not every metalhead is a Satanist and that it’s all in my head. This made me so angry that I almost started to cry. I squeezed my hands into fists and screamed on him in a high-pitched voice that he can be glad that I’m not going to hit him. It’s true. No need for them to be so mean.
They all laughed and I was encircled by other people. I became even angrier and slapped the guy. Now he will know I’m not someone to mess around with. I screamed that he has no idea about Satanism. He started to laugh even harder and called for help. But I think he was joking. Two guys grabbed me and carried me out of the bar to my mother’s car. It was 7 pm already. My mum was very angry again and told me that I need a psychiatrist. I started to cry very loud. I locked myself in my room, took my paper scissors and tried to cut my veins. It didn’t work out. I will wear only short sleeves from now on, so that everyone will see my scars.
Hear from you soon…
Yours satanic Claudy666
As you know by now, I had a fight with some other Satanist, because he mocked me. Then I tried to kill myself, but didn’t work out. But now I’m doing fine, even though my mother was bitching very hard about it.
She sent me to a psychiatrist – Mrs. Mosbihler. She talks to me once a week about my problems. But I don’t have any problems… I think.
On the contrary – I found a friend who is also a Satanist. Her name is Melita and she is also 12 years old. I saw her today, dressed in black and her hair was black. She had a black mini skirt and a corset with laces that was very tight around her belly. I don’t think it’s beautiful if fat is seen from beneath your corset. Se didn’t seem bothered about it. She also had a lot of make-up. She shaved off her eyebrows and drew new ones with a black eye-liner. She also had white face powder and black lipstick on. During class recess she came to me and told me she thinks she’s a vampire, because she can’t sleep at night. She listens to HIM and thinks that they are Gothic Metal. Gothic Metal is when someone sings beautifully and in the background there are a lot of guitars. But lyrics are not about Satan, but about sorrow. But I am a Black Metalhead – that’s more evil. I asked Melita if she’s a poser. She said yes. Then there are two of us now. During class, we both drew pentagrams and naked vampire women on the table. Teacher saw it and told us that our parents need to come for a visit.
After school, me and Melita went to park and smoked one Marlboro Light each. Melita asked me if I’m a virgin. I said no – I’m a Scorpio. She laughed and said that she never slept with a man. Neither did I. So we agreed that we’ll find a guy this Saturday that will deflower us. I had to go home after that, because it was already 4 pm. On the way home, we drew a pentagram with four sixes on a church wall. We will probably found our own cult. It will be called Children of Satan, because we are Satan’s children.
At home, my mum raised havoc, because she had a talk with my teacher. I am now grounded for one week and therefore, Melita and me must delay the deflowering on next Saturday. I locked myself in my room and cried on the bed. I don’t want to be a virgin anymore. So I took a big black marker and during the night, drew pentagrams allover the house – on walls, tables, closets and plates. Let my mum see that I’m NOT a child anymore.
Hail Satan Abraxas!
My friend Melita and I finally founded our own cult – Children of Satan. We have meetings every day after school in the town park. There, we both smoke, light candles and recite satanic chants that we made up ourselves. Melita also writes poetry. She read me one today. It is called Death and it goes like this:
I wait for death.
Death comes at night.
Everything is dark.
Only I am awake.
I think it’s a beautiful poem. Melita thinks that I can write poems too and that I should try it. I introduced Melita to my mum today. My mum thinks I’m a bad influence on her and that she’ll talk to her parents about it. She didn’t do that.
We went out on Saturday in that bar again, where all the Satanists hang out. Satanists there already know me – some also by my name. We sat at a table by ourselves and ordered two Whisky-Colas. That tastes better than beer. Melita felt very dizzy after the first glass. We also bought a pack of Marlboro Lights and smoked. We also looked for a guy for us. There was a hand-football table in that bar. There stood a guy with long brown hair and a t-shirt with dead bodies on it. On t-shirt, it was written something Corpse. He seemed cool. Melita told me to go there and talk to him. I was very nervous and I was even shaking. So I went to the bathroom first to fix my corpsepaint. I saw the girlfriend of the guy that I slapped. She smiled at me and asked how the hell I still have the guts to show myself in public. I didn’t understand what she meant by that, so I returned to Melita. She said that she read in Bravo magazine that if you are attracted to a boy, you must go to him and say that “he makes you wet”. I went to him and said that I don’t want to be a virgin anymore and I want to be deflowered. He looked at me strangely, laughed and walked away. I was devastated and went back to Melita. She said she will show me how to get a guy’s attention. She went to a long haired Satanist and asked him to go with her. He told her he doesn’t do fat pigs like her. She started to cry because of his words. We tried every Satanist at the bar, but none wanted to cooperate. Mostly they just laughed. But then, there was this one older man outside the bar that was willing to deflower us. We were thrilled and followed him into a back alley. But when he said to take our clothes off, we became scared and ran away. Melita said he must be a pedophile. Maybe that’s a profession or something, I don’t know.
I told my mother at home what happened. Her face became pale out of shock and screamed at me that I am grounded for life. That sucks, because next week there will be a real satanic concert.
I was disappointed and I told my mother that I can be with as much pedophiles as I want. I then ran out of our house to Melita. But she was already asleep. Her parents didn’t let me into the house. They said I’m a bad influence and that it’s my fault their daughter worships Satan. No one in this world understands me. I was angry as I walked home and wrote a poem. Melita was right. I can write poetry too. It goes like this:
With the power of Satan.
Satan will take us.
I want to be deflowered.
I am Satan’s child.
Black like the night.
Hello you evil Satanists!
Tomorrow night is that cool concert. This concert will be filled with Satanists. I included. My mum said that I can go if won’t be goofing around. Melita will go too, even though her parents don’t allow her. So she said to her mother that we’ll have a slumber party at my place and we’ll do our math problems. The concert we’ll be attending is called Black Metal Underground Fest. Underground is a type of genre that real Satanists listen to – so says Melita. And because Satanists listen to Metal, this means it’s called Underground Metal. I hope HIM will play there.
For this concert, I bought myself a gothic skirt in Nama. This skirt is very short and black with shiny flowers on. Underneath I will wear pink stockings because that is also gothic. Then I will wear a Marilyn Manson t-shirt, because all Satanists wear shirts of their favorite bands. On top of that, I will wear my skater shoes. That looks very evil. I will wear black lipstick and black eye-liner. I also dyed my hair black, even though my mum doesn’t like it. But surprisingly, she didn’t yell. She just smiled. She probably thinks that now I look much more mature and evil and beautiful with my new hair color. Sadly, the hair color didn’t work out as I planned, because my hair used to be red. So now my hair looks dark green in sunlight and grey in the shade. But it looks much cooler that way. Melita says that real Goths dye their hair grey, so that they look more old and dead. I too probably look deader now. Melita will have the same dress for the concert like she always does. Her family doesn’t have much money, because her father is in a wheelchair and can’t work. She has only one dress which she never washes, so that black color doesn’t fade. But that dress is from a real gothic shop from Germany. She will probably draw satanic symbols around her eyes and put white baby powder on her face. She told me that once in secret. She also called me the other day and said she grew for 2 cm. Now she’s 150 cm tall. That’s a lot for her age, I think. And she’s not that fat as it seems – she only weights 69 kg. My dad weights a lot more. Melita will probably wear high-heel shoes to look even taller. I once asked her why she doesn’t wear any pants and she said that pants make her thighs blister. Melita also makes holes in her stockings, because fishnet stockings are too expensive for her. And it looks more awesome anyway, if you have hand-made holes in your stockings. It gives the impression that you live in the streets and take drugs and everyone is afraid of you.
In the afternoon, Melita and I went out a bit to test our outfits. People stared at us and talked behind our backs – especially the older ones. Young people mostly smiled at us. They probably thought that we look so great and they adore us. We are two black goddesses. Men think we are erotic, because we are both dark vampires. Erotic means, when you want to have sex. Sex is, when a man and a woman kiss and touch. I want to have sex too. With this outfit, we’ll go tomorrow on the concert to be deflowered. This is important if you want to look evil.
In the name of Satan.
Hail you true Black Metalheads!
At 5 pm, my mum took me and Melita on the concert. A lot of Satanists were standing outside, smoking, drinking beer and talked. They all wear t-shirts of bands that me and Melita didn’t know. We were very nervous as we went out of the car and walked towards the venue. All the Satanists stared at us with respect and smiled, because they are so friendly. We went to the ticket window. Behind the counter was also a Satanist and he was smiling. My mum said 1 for adults and 2 for kids. The Satanist laughed out loud and gave her 3 adults. He also said, while laughing, that after 9 pm, the “No babies allowed” rule starts. He probably meant that after 9 pm you must not get pregnant. My mum looked at him very angrily, because she didn’t get the joke. She grabbed me and Melita by our arms and we entered the venue.
The venue was not that large and Satanists were sitting or standing all around. All of them smoked and drank beer. Some stood beneath the stage and weirdly flapped their heads around. This must be some kind of satanic ritual that me and Melita are not yet aware of. On the stage stood some Satanists and played music. But that music wasn’t as beautiful as the one HIM make. And the singer of the performing band was screaming and was letting out strange noises. The singer from HIM knows better than him. Melita and I became thirsty and we also couldn’t stand the loud noise. So we wanted out of the venue. But we were afraid to say this out loud, because some Satanists could hear us that we are two Black Metal girls that can’t stand the noise. My mother held us by the hand the entire time and said that you never know what these psychos might do to little girls. But Melita and I know what they do. Satanists deflower little girls in a bloody ritual. But my mum is stupid and she has no clue that we wouldn’t be bothered by that. Melita and I went to the venue bar and wanted to order beer, because all Satanists drink beer. My mum didn’t allow that and told the Satanist behind the bar table not to give us beer. The Satanist then asked what do we want to drink and my mum ordered orange juice. The bartender Satanist rolled his eyes at my mum and said this is a Black Metal gig, not a birthday party for kids. My mum didn’t order orange juice after all. She felt really insulted as she dragged us out of the venue.
We didn’t go back into the venue, because my mum also found the music too loud. Outside, there were a couple more Satanists sitting or standing and smoking cigarettes. Melita and I also wanted to smoke one, but my mum wouldn’t allow it because she doesn’t know we’re evil and that we already smoke. So we told my mum that we must go to the bathroom. Luckily, my mum let us to go alone. We hid ourselves in front of the bathroom and smoked one Marlboro Light. Melita was shaking with fear if my mum would find us smoking.
When we almost finished with the cigarette, came to us a Satanist. We were very nervous, because we didn’t know what he wants from us. He was very, very tall with blonde-haired and wore glasses. He told us he is the singer from Cradle of Filth. I never heard of them, but I know they are very famous. Melita instantly asked for an autograph. The singer from Cradle of Filth then asked me if I will go with him into the men’s bathroom… [Think for yourself.] …I asked him if he loves me. He laughed and said that he wants to marry me. Then he walked away and left me alone. I was very proud of myself. I’m finally not a virgin anymore and on top of that, I was deflowered by the singer from Cradle of Filth! Immediately I lit another cigarette, because in the movies, they always smoke after sex. Melita was waiting for me and I told her everything.
We went back to my mum and she looked very disappointed. Mum asked us if we were smoking, because we took such a long time. We said that the smell is because of other Satanists. But my mum didn’t believe us. Then she asked me, why I keep grinning so stupidly. I told her proudly that I’m happy, because I finally lost my virginity to a famous singer. That singer may not be as cute as the singer from that cool band Crazy Town, but I fell in love with him anyway. I also told my mother that now, I am all grown up and that I will marry him. My mum looked at me in shock and her lower lip started to twitch. And then she slapped me hard in front of all Satanists and said ugly things like “slut” and “so young and already a whore”. Then she said that such stuff is typical for me and that she will talk to my psychiatrist about it. She insulted me and Melita some more and shoved us into the car. As we raced towards home, she was screaming the entire way. She said that I can’t go out by myself. She drove Melita to her home and she was still furious. She then talked to my father about it. My father grounded me and told me I must get checked by the doctor for any STD. That’s weird. I was crying very loud, because I don’t want to have any disease. My parents always ruin my happiness! I locked myself in my room again. I turned off the lights and lit all my candles and kneeled in front of my Eminem poster. I prayed to Satan. I asked Satan to kill my parents, because they are so stupid. Melita says that this ritual with Eminem poster always works, because she used it several times. I want to be so cool like Melita.
In Satan we trust!
Greetings my black souls!
As you probably know, I am under house arrest, because I was deflowered by that famous singer. But I figured it out. My parents can’t ground me, since I have to go to school on Monday. This made me and Melita very happy. Otherwise we couldn’t meet on our secret cult meetings, where we smoke and write poetry.
At our last meeting, Melita came up with a great idea. She said that we could form our own Black Metal band and have gigs and all Satanists would worship us. I thought it was an excellent idea and started to think on how to make this idea come true. Melita will play the guitar, but only acoustic. She can also sing and write lyrics. I came up with an idea for the band name. It will be called “BLACK SATAN” and our first CD will be called “666 Hymns to Satan” and it will be dedicated to Satan. Melita says we will be very famous and will be on top charts everywhere. I will play the drums. For rehearsal room, we will use my room. School is out for the weekend, so we gathered at my room. Melita brought her acoustic guitar and a real microphone. I have no money for real drums, so I made my own kit from my mum’s pots and pans. We then wrote our first song. It’s entitled Black Vampire and it goes like this:
Black Vampire of the night
You die in the light
You live in my heart
My heart is dark
Black Vampire of the night
You are Satan’s bride
You live in me
Satan’s whore I want to be
Melita played beautifully on the guitar and sang in very high pitched voice, like all Black Metal women do. We would also like to have someone to play the keyboards. But there are no Satanists of our age. So Melita played on flute for the intro. My mum seemed very happy and said that we are finally doing something useful. She doesn’t know that we make evil music and that all of our lyrics are dedicated to Satan. We quickly had a couple of songs recorded on a tape recorder. Then we made a nice cover and drew a naked woman and a whole bunch of inverted crosses and pentagrams with four sixes. Melita says that this tape is called “a demo” and that you send this demo tape to different labels, but I didn’t know any label that publishes such music. We became sad, but we know that with the power of Satan, we will succeed and the entire world will worship us. At 5 pm Melita went home and I was left alone in my room. I was thinking for a long time. For Satan to give us power to succeed with the band, I must do a ritual which I thought of myself. First you must pray three times: “Satan is mighty. Satan is strong. My soul is in his possession.” Then you must repeat this backwards. Then you stare at the mirror and wait until Satan shows to you. You must then give a sacrifice. I took a sewing needle, pierced my finger and offered a few drops of my blood.
Now Satan is satisfied and this thing with the band will surely work. I’m also planning to publish a book with my rituals. I will make tons of money with it. It will be called “Satanic Rituals by High Priestess Claudy666”.
Hello my satanic friends!
Today something wonderful happened! After school, Melita and I were in town. We went to buy the new Frka (another teen magazine crap), because it had a special HIM poster inside. At that newsstand I saw that Satanist – the one who deflowered me and who is a famous singer. He was standing in front of us and was buying cigarettes. When he turned around I blushed and yelled HAIL SATAN! He smiled and said that I must be that trendy doll who he fucked in the bathroom. I told him that I love him. He smiled again and said he’s late for the train. But I stopped him, because of my idea. I said that Melita and I now have a band and that we have our first demo and we need someone who will sell it around and make us famous. Since he is a famous singer he must surely know someone. He laughed and asked if we have the demo here. Melita was very thrilled as she pulled the tape from her schoolbag. He said he’ll give it a listen and if he likes it, he’ll make copies and sell it on gigs. But he needs money for that, because the tapes are expensive. But we will get all the money back plus extra earns. We were very happy and asked how much does he need. He said he needs 10.000 SIT (approx. 60 $) and that this is a very generous offer. We gave him 1200 SIT since we didn’t have more. He said it’s ok and that we can give him the rest some other time. He gave me his phone number and left with the tape. Melita and I were very happy because of this. Now we will be famous. Then we went home.
I was home alone. My mum and dad were still at work. I watched TV and took the HIM poster out of the magazine. I pasted it on my door. It looks perfect. It is Ville Valo in his life size. He is much taller than me. He is so beautiful that I kissed the poster immediately. I want to be his girlfriend, but he lives so far away. Sometimes I hear rumors that he doesn’t like girls – only men. But I don’t believe that one bit. Maybe one day my band will be so famous that we’ll play alongside HIM. Then I will have sex with Ville Valo, just like that other singer had sex with me.
While lying on the bed and thinking about how to pay that famous singer, I got an idea. I went into the room of my older brother, who has a whole bunch of CDs. But he has only stupid CDs and my mum also says often that he is a Satanist himself. She would like to forbid him to listen to such music, but he is over 18 and he can do what he wants. My brother, his name is Marko by the way, doesn’t listen to satanic music. He listens to music that’s even louder than Black Metal. Singers of those bands scream even louder and their CDs always have blood on covers – but no pentagrams. He always says his CDs are priceless. I checked these priceless CDs out, but I only found stupid shit like “Imperial Doom” from some band called “Monstrosity” and some other even more stupid band “Extreme Noise Terror” – a vinyl called “Ear Slaughter”. Vinyls are so lame and old-fashioned and he definitely doesn’t need them anymore. I also took a tape that had “Demo 1989” written on it – it was from some lame and unknown band called “Cannibal Corpse”. In general, the bands my brother listens to have very stupid names. Band names like HIM are much more evil. So I took some CDs, the vinyl and the tape and called that famous singer if he wants that instead of money. He was very interested in it. We agreed to meet tomorrow.
In the evening my parents said that my brother will come to visit from his study abroad. I hope he won’t notice his stuff is missing. But it’s lame stuff anyway and he won’t be bothered.
Hail Satan! Hail darkness! Hail blackness!
Today is Friday and my brother is coming home. We picked him up at the train station and I told him proudly that I sold his old tapes and vinyls to a famous singer. I told him he can be proud of me, because no one has use of such stuff anymore and that I found someone who bought it. My brother looked at me weirdly and asked me to repeat myself slowly again. I told him the story again and he figured it out that I’m not joking. I smiled and asked if I’ll get any reward for that. My brother’s face became white as snow and suddenly turned red. He started to shake. At the front door of our house he said through his grinding teeth: “Oh you’ll get your reward…”
I was curious the entire day, what kind of surprise my brother has stored for me. But he was only screaming at our parents in the living room. I couldn’t make out about what. Something about “locking the door” and “no trust” “impossible to get” Maybe he wants to move away for good.
In the evening I went out with Melita. I wore my red Naf-Naf shirt and red skater pants and blue sun-glasses – this is also trendy among Satanists. Melita had the same clothes as always. We wanted to go into that satanic bar again, but they had security guards there now. They said no one under 16 is allowed there. We will make fake ID cards that will say we’re 16. We just don’t know how. So we went into another place, where you can go in with 12 years. The place is called “School Center Save the Children” and it’s next to the train station. You can’t smoke or drink alcohol there, but the grannies there are friendly. They watch the kids and ask us if we are in any satanic cult. We said we have our own cult. Those old grannies were Christians and they wanted to convert us. We didn’t want that, because Satan is much cooler than God. So Melita and I left, because those women were so annoying. We sat at the bus station for a while and smoked one Marlboro Light each. It sucks to be a child. You can’t do anything.
I came home at 7 pm. I went to my room and I was very angry because we couldn’t go to that satanic bar anymore. My room looked totally different. All the posters and the inverted cross were gone. All my posters, magazines, burned Marilyn Manson and HIM CDs laid broken and torn on the floor. I broke into tears. Those posters were really expensive and I don’t have a CD burner. Because I cried so loud, my parents came to my room. I screamed at the top of my lungs: “Who did this?” My parents will punish that person for sure. But they just smiled and said: “Finally this satanic crap is no more. Now you will be back to normal.” My brother stood behind my parents and laughed. That was so mean of him. I tried so hard to sell his worthless stuff. He has no idea how expensive it is to re-print old Bravo posters and someone must burn my CDs again. Because I didn’t know what to do without my posters and CDs, I thought out a devilish plan. During the night, when everyone was asleep, I stole money from my father’s wallet and went to a 24/7 gas station. I bought two bottles of wine. I wanted to forget everything and just die. I drank all the wine in my room. Suddenly I started to feel sick and I fainted.
I woke up in the middle of the night, because I was thirsty. It was then that I discovered, I’m not at home anymore. I was at the hospital. I had a diaper and transfusion needle in my arm. The nurse and my parents were standing beside the bed. So was my brother. My parents yelled at me very loud. They said I am nothing but trouble, that I have alcohol poisoning and that they will send me to an insane asylum. I started to cry and my head hurt so much. The nurse said I need my rest and sent my parents out of the room.
I went back to sleep and had terrible nightmares. Insane asylum… I don’t want to go there…